If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
