youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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