Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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