I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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