apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
