no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
