I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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