taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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