My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize