I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
