so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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