There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
