just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
