And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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