the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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