What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
