He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
