he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
