matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's like iHOP with fire
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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