you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
