I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
