Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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