I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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