i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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