Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
