I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Randomize
