Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
