Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
