DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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