I just saw a hot homeless man
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize