So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
