I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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