He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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