Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
