the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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