I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
