i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
