Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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