Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
