I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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