You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
