Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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