her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
