she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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