It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
