I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
