So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
