were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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