It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
