remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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