Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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