so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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