It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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