I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
