ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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