plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
