the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
