Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
