You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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