Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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