who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
