Please, let me fuck your mom
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
