Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
