I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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