Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
