I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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