Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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