So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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