my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
