Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
