Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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