She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
