You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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