Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize