Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
