Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
