it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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