I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
