Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Randomize
