the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
