It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
