The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
