I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
